Advertising the Advertising Business with Advertising

The advertising business spends so much time advertising others that it has forgotten about promoting itself. Soon you'll know the agencies behind the campaigns, the writers behind the headlines, and the art directors behind the images. Whether they prove to be as intriguing as the characters on Mad Men has yet to be decided.


Ad Age Trade Group Wants to Rehab Mad Ave's Image

Sophisticated Ladies

Hi all out there. Please go to this site, http://contest.jimbeam.com/jimbeam/?play=11796, and register and vote for my Jim Beam Commercial Remake video "Sophisticated Ladies." Thanks!

The Future is Freaking Me Out

"I stole this from the future." - Ian Peterson, Futurologist

Ian Peterson, a self-proclaimed futurologist (ridiculous) and me-proclaimed mad scientist (more accurate), is involved in turning contact lenses into televisions. Or is it the other way around? Anyway, when you pop in these lenses your body heat will transmit television shows. You can control the channels by simply waving your hand. The deal is that you could immerse yourself in the program you are watching. Put on the football game and run along side your favorite player. The idea sounds pretty cool, but I'm a little concerned. Think about all the car accidents. "I don't know what happened? I was watching a Three's Company marathon on Nick and Nite and the next I knew I was in a ditch." Also, I can only imagine the arguments between couples. "Hey, we're supposed to be making love, were you watching TV? "Ah, no baby, I just like to yell touchdown when I'm excited." Mr. Peterson says about the TV contact lenses, "You will just pop it into your eye in the morning and take it out at the end of the day." Wow! What will they think of next?

In other contact lens news, a company called LiveScience says that their digital contact lens will be able to zoom in on objects and display related information. Sort of like the first Terminator movie. LiveScience has already tested these new lenses on rabbits for up to 20 minutes. C'mon LiveScience. Rabbits? News flash, they already have great vision. That's no test. Pop those lenses into a bat's eyes and then I'll give you some credit.

Lastly, you remember when all those poor-sighted people ditched their lenses and opted for corrective surgery. It seems like contacts are cool again. I bet those people with 20/20 vision feel pretty stupid right about now.

http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2009/02/contact-lens-co.html

The Soon-To-Be #1 Workout Video Of All Time

One thing that's been missing from our lives is a Dirty Dancing workout video. Sure, a few VHS versions were produced over the years, but they weren't the OFFICIAL Dirty Dancing Workout Video. The wait is over friends. You can do "Johnny's Mambo" or take on the "Saturday Night Challenge" right in your living room. The film is over 20 years old, but the dance moves are timeless. After all, this is the "#1 movie of all time" (that's a real quote from the promotional trailer.) I don't think that Dirty Dancing is the #1 movie of all time according to ticket and DVD sales, awards, acting, dialogue, or plot. But, if they mean that it is the best movie despite those other things, then they may be right. Strange that most of the people in this video were probably not even born when the film came out, but no matter. Dirty Dancing has always been a part of everyone's life whether they were alive or not.

Next up, from the producers who brought you the Dirty Dancing Official Workout Video, is Guitar: Marty McFly's Way. Now you can shred on the guitar just like Marty did in Back To The Future.

The Recision's Final Victim: Fake Breasts

The two most common breast implants are made of either silcone or saline. Due to the financial crisis it appears that the former has found work elsewhere. Easy Bake Sheet is a new, easy-to-use, non-stick tray made of a silcon--the raw material used to make silcone. Pull the sheet out of the oven. Close your eyes. And pop that baked good into your mouth. You'll swear you've just eaten it off of a pair of phony boobies.

http://www.easybakesheet.com/

Star Wars: The Dark Side Is Not So Bad

Star Wars: The Clone Wars—another installment of the George Lucas cash machine—is on the cartoon network. I won’t be watching that show, but it did inspire me to think deeply about the message of Star Wars. I took time to reflect on the six “live-action” films and the master of evil, Darth Vader. While many discuss these films as the ultimate duel of good vs. evil or even philosophize on how they emphasize the power of redemption and forgiveness, I have come to a different conclusion. Collectively the message of these films is that you can be a callous, self-righteous son of a bitch on earth and after you die you can enjoy the same spoils awarded to people who spent their lives doing good. Darth Vader, a devilish sadist who inflicts pain on others without the slightest remorse, receives redemption with ease for his horrible acts. It turns out the Jedi are more forgiving than the Catholics.

What are these acts, you ask? To start, in episode 3, you know the one where Anakin, pre-darth, is acting like a spoiled teenage brat, betrays his entire family, this being the jedi clan, including his only real friend and ally Obi-Wan Kenobi. Anakin kills Samuel Jackson by chopping off his arm and letting him plummet to his death. Then this young dark lord uses his light saber to kill about 20 kids. He goes so far to choke his pregnant wife in some dessert wasteland that plays like a futuristic version of cops. I was waiting for him to rip his shirt off and run through the lava burned ground bare-chested shouting obscenities at the fuzz. After Anakin's wife dies and he loses all of his limbs by the sword of Obi, he becomes Darth Vader. So let's jump forward, or back actually, to the final 3 episodes, which were actually the first 3 shown. Darth Vader is an ominous general whose main burden seems to be deep breathing. Can you imagine sitting next to that guy in a movie theater? Annoying. He’s a despicable dominatrix who doesn't even like to touch his masochistic soldiers, he just chokes them from a distance. I have had bad bosses, but none of them have caused me physical harm by only using their thoughts, although many did have a dark side. Remember when that ferret-like Grand Moff Tarkin blew up Leia’s home planet Alderaan? Darth had a hand in that too. They blew up an entire planet for God’s sake. Despicable. And by the way, Moff Tarkin sounds like a carpet salesman located in the bowels of the New York City garment district.

Who can stop this overbearing and overegoed walking torso in a cape? Obi-Wan tried and apparently he was the only hope, according to Princess Leia. What does she know anyway really? In episodes IV and V it looked like she was going to hook up with Luke and it turns out that he's her brother. The poor girl is sick. Anyway, Obi was melted by Darth's light saber right in front of Luke. Not cool Darth. This grotesque act enrages Luke. He makes it his mission to destroy Vader and the entire imperial fleet. Of course, things get complicated when Luke finds out that Darth is his father. Darth chose to reveal this fact after he chopped off Luke's hand. He has him in a precarious and vulnerable position—dangling from the top of what looks like an abyss. Here's the thing, you chop my hand off with a sword laser then I don't really care if you are my father, my uncle, or my long lost brother. I just want to know where my hand went. It was there a second a go. Luke refuses to listen or yield to Darth's offer to join the dark side and he plunges into the cavernous darkness below. Probably hoping that his hand is down there somewhere.

In Episode VI, The Return of the Jedi the rebel crew gets Han Solo back and they’re out to kick some imperial ass. Luke matches up with Darth once again, but this time the Emperor is a spectator in their battle. He likes to watch. There's a whole S&M theme throughout these films (like the Jaba the Hut/Princess Leia kinkiness for example). Luke almost kills Darth, but then refuses to finish the deed. This cowardice angers the Emperor and then he juices Luke with a constant barrage of 50,000 volts from his fingertips. Luke cries to his father for help like a scarred little boy, and Darth reacts viciously (after pondering it for at least 10 minutes). I mean, c'mon Darth, your kid is lying there in front of you sizzling like burning bacon and you have to think about it? Darth picks up the emperor and tosses him into an extremely deep pit. Sound familiar? Well, this abyss had a bottom because that emperor hit it hard. The dude blew up and shot a blue streak up in the air about 10,000 feet.

Now Darth's asthma has gotten real bad. He's struggling, and wants to die. Luke won't let him and carries his tired dad into the lobby of the space ship. It's there that the father and son rest and have a special moment. Darth asks Luke to help him remove his mask. Luke doesn't want to because that will kill Darth. Why Luke knows this is beyond me. When did they ever tell you that the mask was keeping him alive? I don't remember hearing that in any of the episodes. See, but Darth is smart. He knows he's a dead man anyway. Imagine if Luke refused to remove the mask and sent Darth to space prison? Vader would be pummeled nightly. Luke takes off the mask. Daddy Darth stares into Luke's eyes. He expires without an apology for the past or an act of contrition of any sort.

In his youth Darth betrayed everyone and was catalyst for swinging the pendulum in favor of the governing fist of the imperial forces. During his reign, he tried to kill his wife; he murdered children, choked employees, and partook in the explosion of a planet. What does he get for these thoughtless, selfish, and vile acts? A spot at the table with Obi Wan and Yoda. In the Return of the Jedi he's one of the happy ghosts standing side by side with two of the most respected men (is Yoda a man?) in the entire galaxy. No waiting period, no suffering in hell. Sure, Darth we know you ruined the lives of families on who knows how many moons, but your son forgives you so I guess we do to. Right this way to the luxury suite, Mr. Vader. That's just great. Thanks for the lesson George.